This is another opportunity for some of you to add to your knowledge base about we "authoritarian cultists."
(see here) I was thinking all day about spanking and how controversial it has become.
Our youngest has acquired a disgusting habit of spitting/wiping spit on the couch while watching TV and sucking her thumb. Maybe her lack of expertise can be explained by the fact that she hasn't always sucked her thumb . . . but I don't care about the cause, I want it to stop. The couple of other times I've busted her in the act, I've scolded her and tried to reason with her about how unacceptable this spitting habit is.
Well, this a.m., before heading out to work I looked in on the kids watching a kids show. As I glanced at them, I spotted her wiping her mouth on the couch and--upon inspection, I saw that there was a little puddle next to her. Frustrated, I announced (mid Arthur!) that I was turning the TV off and I chided the little rascal for her conduct (her older sibling was thrilled with these consequences). That pronouncement notwithstanding, I had threatened before that a spanking was going to be the consequence if I caught her spitting on the couch again.
As I went back to preparing to leave for work, I started having second thoughts.
Fast forward to later today. I was leaving the mall and spotted a young couple standing beside a car in the parking lot watching 1 to 2 year old baby going ballistic inside a car. The woman was dangling a pair of pink sneakers in the window and saying "Are you going to put on your shoes?" in a real understanding voice.
The couple was obviously uncomfortable, toggling between grimacing and faux-grinning at each other. I wasn't within earshot long enough (I was POWER shopping) to hear what happened, but I could only think how silly the whole exercise was. It reminded me of something my father-in-law says, but only half believes, in reference to parenting: that you've got to be "smarter" than something to train it. I disagree as it relates to parenting.
Though I think parenting (like leading or influencing) is certainly a "life skill," I bristle at the notion that successfully raising a child requires brilliance or superior intellect or extraordinary creativity. Indeed, I believe that, like most things in life, there is no "trick" involved. Rather, I'm of the belief that the consistent, disciplined application of proven strategies/principles will bear fruit in the life and heart of a child. I do not that it is a sound and wise parenting strategy to focus on a parent's ability to "distract" a child or persistently hunt for creative ways to avoid the inevitable confrontation with a child's innate desire not to conform his/her behavior to a norm or not to be responsible for how s/he treats others or not to obey his/her parents (yes, "submit to authority").
Well, back to the dilemma at hand. Depriving of a privilege or chastening/spanking for a 3 year old. We rarely use force with our children and I've observed that a little force goes a long way. I perceive that our children are well behaved; I also perceive that they are pretty capable of rolling with the punches (unfortunate metaphor, but . . .) so they rebound very quickly after being corrected and/or reminded of a particular standard they are ignoring or forgetting. Likewise, the more resilient and enterprising and self-motivated and confident a child is, the harder it can be to get his/her attention by depriving him/her of privileges.
For willful, blatant, persistent disobedience, spanking is awfully efficient. It is typically a relatively brief interruption to the parent's relationship with the child and it only briefly takes a child out of his/her routine. It is unsurpassed in getting a child's attention and it doesn't require tons of "administering"--like an until-further-notice ban on TV watching imposed on one of several children in a family. Moreover, given that a child doesn't have much long-term decision-making capacity at age three, I'm not sure that an open-ended statement that she is not able to watch TV makes quite the impression as a little whack on the fanny.
Along the same lines, "no TV" isn't the end of the world when she can go play with Barbies or do puzzles or play Leapster or color or shadow her mother asking odd questions; as a result, the "no TV" consequence has less "sting."
In the end, I've concluded (again) that the challenges in parenting are to be patient, discern between foolish acts and childish acts, be consistent, and fight being too lazy to parent in a given situation.
UPDATE: I just became aware of this story with Nashville connections (posted about by Truman Bean
here) about the trial of two parents who killed their son ostensibly in the act of disciplining him. My post was not in response or in defense or in light of that case.